Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
