its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
