hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
