My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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