Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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