So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
