Whatcha textin bout Willis?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
