this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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