Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I want is dick and wine.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
