woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize