I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
