My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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