I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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