well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
