Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
