life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize