Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
