remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Panties = found
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
