Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
