I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
