grandma shit on top of the toilet
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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