I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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