well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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