Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
