It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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