someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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