I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
