So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize