Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
