you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
