at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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