did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
