Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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