forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
