you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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