I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
