i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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