Porn is love you can see.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
