"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
