Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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