I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Pants are for mortals
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
