VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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