is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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