just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
