I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
