im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
