I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
