my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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