she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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