Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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