he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
