Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
