I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
