Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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