the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the day after is always just damage control
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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