I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
