When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
