I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
