we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
