some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You pole danced in your parka.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
